The Best Preacher Ever! A Poem

I really miss you Ray
From beautiful New Zealand
Which is full of Sheep
Being herded by non-other than Jesus

Ray, Thou arst our brave Shepard
We are your humble Flock
Our hooves will follow
You down any rabbit hole.

Ok that's a little weird
I'm not crazy
Don't file a restraining order yet
I'll take my medicine

Just because we're lowly Atheists
Doesn't mean we don't care
We just love drinking Beer
Watching Porn
& Break the Ten Commandments every 10 seconds.

Pepper us with Truth
And give it a capital "T"
We want to hear from the Bible
Except maybe Leviticus
And not so much Deuteronomy

For verses, we have a thirst
Only Jesus can quench
Pour it on us until we're wet
Because we're in a sinful desert
Full of sand, scorpions and dryness
It's really itchy

We are not very smart
So we need Analogy
Twist it together with a Simile
Better yet, hit us with a good Metaphor
Something is like something else
Helps us understand

I like it when you make me scared
Of that terrible place, Hell
Of being tortured and burned
With no ointment or Vaseline
& leaf blowers going at 3 AM
(When you are trying to sleep) powered by gasoline.